Focusing On What You Can Control
This lockdown is impacting us all in very different ways. The situations, concerns and challenges that we were facing before the lockdown have been heightened by the ongoing uncertainty. Many of us are living day to day, waiting to hear how the latest developments will impact our specific situation. Whether that’s an operation you’re waiting to hear about, a house move, job interview or a family celebration that’s on hold, waiting can be stressful.
As we head into week 9 of lockdown so much is still out of our control and it can feel overwhelming. Especially when things are changing on an almost daily basis.
When I was training as a coach I remember being told ‘What you focus on is what develops and grows’. I’ve found that to be true in my coaching practice as well as my own personal experience. One of my favourite coaching tools helps explore this further and comes from Stephen Covey’s Circle of Concern and Circle of Influence. I have been using it myself throughout this situation and it’s come up in a lot of my conversations with clients. It’s all about where we focus our time and energy.
Circle of Concern
These are things over which we have no control like:
the weather
how other people behave
when the lockdown is lifted
the economy
Circle of Influence
These are things that we can’t directly control but we can shape and influence:
our children’s behaviour
our health
our relationships with others
our work culture
Circle of Control
These are the things we can do something about, they are directly in our control and include things like:
our attitudes
our character
our language (positive or negative)
our choices
our habits
When we focus on things over which we have no control (Circle of Concern) we feel hopeless. This often leads us to feels anxious and stressed because we feel like life is happening to us. When we focus on the things that we can influence and control we move from being reactive to proactive. We realise that we are not powerless in this situation.
As we start this week why not take 15 minutes to sit down by yourself and write down the 3 headings above on a piece of paper or your journal. Think about a specific situation in your life or work that is causing you concern and write down:
What are the things over which I have no control? (Circle of Concern)
What are the things that I can’t directly control but I could shape and influence? (Circle of Influence)
What is directly in my control? (Circle of Control)
And then the final and key question - how can you spend more time and energy focusing on the things you can control (yourself, how you react, what you think about, your language) and the things you can influence?
In a time when our choices are more limited than they have ever been, it feels even more important to focus on the choices we do have.
Recently I recorded a short video with my fellow coach and friend Laura Duggal talking about this subject (see below).