Be Kind
This week is Mental Health Awareness Week and this year it feels more important than ever to be talking about our mental health. We hear daily figures about the number of people infected by COVID-19 and the number of deaths, but the impact on people’s mental health is much harder to measure.
In response to the coronavirus outbreak the theme for this year is kindness, which is a change from the previously planned theme of sleep. The Mental Health Foundation chose the theme saying,
“Kindness unlocks our shared humanity and is central for our mental health. It has the potential to bring us together with benefits for everyone, particularly at times of great stress. The research clearly supports this – it shows that acts of kindness can help improve emotional wellbeing. This is true whether we are giving or receiving it.”
Some of us are very good at being kind to other people and looking after their needs, but we sometimes do that at the expense of our own self care. For others of us, there’s risk that we could become overly independent and isolated, investing in our own wellbeing habits but neglecting to recognise the power of connection and kindness to others. I don’t believe we can truly thrive at either of these extremes, as is so often the case we need a balance. Mental health is individual and collective.
Being kind to yourself
I’ve had a lot of conversations over the last few months about the need to be kind to ourselves as we face these exceptional circumstances. Two key things seem important and that is (1) knowing what you need (2) knowing your limits and when you need to stop.
What do you need right now?
Right now it’s tempting to answer this by saying a holiday! We could all relate to that, but what do you personally need to do life well? Answering this question requires a level of self understanding and may not be a question you’ve considered before. Some of us have a strong need for personal space, while others of us are desperate for connection, some of us need permission to stop working such long hours or permission to stop worrying about the state of the house and get outside for a walk. Perhaps you need someone like your line manager or a coach to help you clarify what are your key priorities right now.
What are the signs that you’re reaching your limits?
It’s really helpful if we know and recognise the signs that we’re not doing well. They are like the warning lights on a car and tell us if we need to slow down, check the oil, or take the car to the garage. What are the signs for you that you’ve gone over your limits? Here are some common ones:
- You’re easily irritated
- You feel tired all the time
- You can’t concentrate
- You find it hard to make decisions
- It takes very little for you to feel overwhelmed
- Problems with your sleep
- Loss of self confidence
- Eating more or less than usual
Sometimes it’s the people around us that notice the signs before we do. However if no-one has noticed you’re not doing well (many of us are good at putting on a brave face) talking to someone is one of the most important steps we can take.
Be kind to others
There are many ways we can be kind to each other right now - getting the shopping for a neighbour, volunteering, giving an elderly family member a call.
However I wonder if one of the kindest things we could do is to ask the people in our lives how they are doing. Or better still, ‘How are you really doing?’. I.e. I’m not looking for a polite answer, I’m really interested to know how you are and I’ve got time to talk. I think one of the kindest things we can do is to truly listen to someone and it’s a rare gift. Why not give someone a call this week or go for a socially distanced walk and ask them the questions above? They are questions we don’t often get asked but they are important questions. It might be a colleague, your partner, your friend or the lady who lives next door at number 16.
Imagine what might happen if this coming week we were all a little kinder to ourselves and others.